Sex Toys for Couples

A toy can be part of partnered sex rather than a replacement for anything. This guide covers how to bring one up, which types are easy to use together, and the hygiene rules for sharing toys, with links to the sources behind the advice.

Why couples use toys

Scarleteen puts it this way: “Many people find that adding toys makes partnered sex more fun and more connected.” Research points the same way. In a US population-based survey of 2,056 women aged 18 to 60, using a vibrator with a partner was common among heterosexual, lesbian and bisexual women, and most vibrator users said they were comfortable using one with a partner. Among heterosexual women in that study, a partner knowing about and liking their vibrator use was linked to higher sexual satisfaction. In a companion survey of 1,047 men, 44.8% had used a vibrator during solo or partnered sex.

Talk about it first

Scarleteen’s key rule is to talk before you try: don’t spring a toy on a partner in the middle of sex, and raise the idea somewhere non-sexual instead. Once everyone has agreed, you can take turns using a toy on each other, or use it alongside the things you already enjoy rather than instead of them.

Toys that work well for two

• Bullet vibrators. Scarleteen notes that bullets are small and not phallic, which can make them a less intimidating first couples toy, and they’re easy to add to positions you already use. Shop bullet vibrators
• Suction toys. Many have a slim profile that can fit between bodies during intercourse, including face-to-face and from-behind positions, according to Scarleteen. Shop clitoral and suction toys
• Wearable couples vibrators. These are designed to be worn during sex. We-Vibe says its founders started the company to create exactly that kind of toy. Shop wearable vibrators or We-Vibe
• Vibrating rings. Worn at the base of the penis, often with a small vibrator that sits against a partner. Read our cock ring safety guide first. Shop cock rings
• Remote and app-controlled toys let a partner control the toy from across the room or across the world. See app-controlled sex toys for privacy tips. Shop app-controlled toys
• Games and card decks are a low-pressure way to start the conversation. Shop games and gifts

Sharing toys safely

Body fluids left on a toy can pass STIs from one person to another. Planned Parenthood advises washing a toy before it touches another person’s genitals, or putting a condom on it and changing the condom before the toy touches someone else. Its rule of thumb: use a new condom for each partner and for each part of the body.

• Anal to vaginal: never move a toy from an anus to a vagina without washing it or changing the condom first. Planned Parenthood notes that anal bacteria in the vagina can lead to vaginitis.
• Condoms on toys: Scarleteen says a condom on a dildo makes clean-up easier and lets you switch between anal and vaginal use in the same session. Cleveland Clinic notes external condoms can be used on sex toys as well as penises.
• Butt plugs: Scarleteen suggests keeping these to one user each.
• Why it matters: the CDC notes that HPV can persist on objects, including sex toys.

Our cleaning guide covers how to wash each material.

Lube and condoms

With latex or polyisoprene condoms, Planned Parenthood says to use only water-based or silicone lube, because oil-based products can break down latex and cause the condom to tear. Water-based lube is also safe with every toy material. See the lube guide or shop lube.