Sex Toys for Beginners

Your first sex toy doesn’t need to be expensive or complicated. Decide where you want to use it, pick a body-safe material, add a water-based lube and learn how to clean it. This guide walks through each step and links to the sources behind the advice.

Is it normal to use sex toys?

Planned Parenthood puts it simply: it’s totally normal to use sex toys, and totally normal not to. It’s a personal choice. Toys are also common. In a nationally representative 2009 US survey of 2,056 women aged 18 to 60, 52.5% said they had used a vibrator. In a companion survey of 1,047 men aged 18 to 60, 44.8% said they had used a vibrator during solo or partnered sex.

Step 1: Decide where you want to use it

Some toys are designed to go inside the vagina or anus, and others are made only for use outside the body. Knowing which you want narrows the list quickly.

• Bullet vibrators are small motorized toys, about the size of a USB stick or a tampon applicator, with low-intensity vibration. They’re easy to hold and easy to travel with. Shop bullet vibrators
• Suction or air-pulse toys don’t vibrate directly against the skin. A soft nozzle seals over the clitoris and pulses air instead. Shop clitoral and suction toys
• Wand vibrators have a rounded vibrating head on a long handle and come in plug-in and cordless versions, and are usually used externally. Shop wand massagers
• Rabbit vibrators pair an insertable shaft with a clitoral arm, which makes them a dual-stimulation toy. Shop rabbit vibrators
• Toys for penises, such as strokers and vibrating rings, have their own collection.
• Anal toys need a flared base; read anal toys for beginners before you choose one.

If you’re not sure, a small external toy is a low-commitment place to start. Scarleteen calls bullet vibrators very beginner-friendly: they’re small, usually work with a single button, and are widely considered the most affordable type of vibrator. Our vibrator guide compares the types in more detail, and clitoral suction toys explained covers air-pulse toys.

Step 2: Choose a body-safe material

For toys that go inside the body, Planned Parenthood recommends non-porous materials: 100% silicone (not silicone blends), hard plastic, stainless steel, aluminum and break-resistant glass. Non-porous materials don’t absorb germs and are easier to clean.

Planned Parenthood describes silicone blends, jelly rubber, PVC, vinyl, TPR, TPE and other rubbery plastics as possibly porous materials that can hold germs even after washing; a condom over the toy helps. A Danish Environmental Protection Agency survey found that toys sold as “jelly” were actually plasticized PVC, with phthalates making up as much as 70% of the material.

Check the material in each product’s description. Our materials guide explains what each term means.

Step 3: Check the details that matter to you

• Power: rechargeable or battery-powered.
• Water resistance: look for an IP rating if you want to rinse it under the tap or use it in the shower.
• Size: for insertable toys, compare the insertable length and the widest diameter.
• Controls: buttons on the toy, a remote, or an app. App-controlled toys have extra privacy settings worth checking; see app-controlled sex toys.
• Noise: if it matters, look for the brand’s noise figure or description.

Step 4: Add lube

Lube can make a toy more comfortable to use. Planned Parenthood calls water-based lube a safe bet with any toy, and advises against silicone lube on silicone toys unless the toy is covered with a condom, because it can damage the toy’s surface. Water-based lube dries faster than other types, so you may need to reapply it. See the lube guide or shop water-based lube.

Step 5: Clean it before and after

Planned Parenthood says to wash sex toys with mild soap and water after each use and before they touch another person’s genitals, and to follow the cleaning directions that came with the toy. For vibrating toys, Scarleteen advises washing the parts that touch the body and keeping the charging port or battery compartment dry. Let toys air-dry completely before you store them.

If a toy is shared, the NHS advises washing it and putting a new condom on it before someone else uses it. More in how to clean sex toys; there are also toy cleaners.

Step 6: Take it slowly

Start on the lowest setting and go at your own pace. With a strong toy such as a wand, Scarleteen suggests first holding it against your hand, thigh or chest, or using it over clothing, to get used to the intensity. And if you’ve heard that vibrators can “desensitize” you: Scarleteen says they can’t do so permanently, and any tingly or numb feeling fades quickly. If you’re using a toy with a partner, talk about it beforehand: what you’d like to try, and what you don’t want. Our guide to sex toys for couples covers how to bring it up and how to share toys safely.